He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
