do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
