sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
