i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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