I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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