also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
