..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
