Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
