he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
