Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
