Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He uses pillows to masturbate.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
