I want to walk on stilts...naked
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
