I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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