2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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