So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
