How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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