Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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