Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
