Define "chronic" masturbator.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
