Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
