my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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