Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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