Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
