Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
