In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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