how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just threw up on my dentist
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
