Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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