WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
