so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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