Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
