you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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