i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
