Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
