wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
