and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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