I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
