I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
