Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I love you. Go after that dick
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
