More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
