hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
