Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
