I cannot find my penis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
