I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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