How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
