i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
