do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
