i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
