I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
handjob tips. give me some.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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