haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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