Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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