okay pat passed out under dana's car
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The power of my boobs compel you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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