I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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